He's Just Not That Into You
Several years ago when I was a Single Pringle, I read a book titled "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (which was later made into a movie). It was full of advice for adult ladies who spent too much time making excuses for why the guys they like aren't making moves toward romance. The chapters have titles like "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out" or "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else". Now that I'm married, the chapter titles all seem completely obvious, like why did someone even need to write this book. Doesn't every woman know that a guy doesn't really like her if he's having sex with someone else? Isn't that kind of a no-brainer?
But, looking back on my single self, I did make some of the excuses targeted in the book. For example, how often had I made excuses for that guy I pined after who was romantic and wonderful at times, but then periodically fell out off the map for long periods of time. Or the guy who didn't ever call me and I was always calling him? I wasted a lot of emotional energy wondering about a couple of guys in my life who seemed to be sending signals that they were interested, but the signals weren't super clear-cut. If it had been a romantic comedy, the guy would have just been afraid of getting hurt or was just waiting for the right moment. But, my life wasn't a romantic comedy and those guys just weren't that into me.
Now that I'm married, I can look back at those "relationships" with total clarity and realize easily what was going on. My husband didn't waffle or waver in how he felt about me. He liked me on our first date, so he asked me out for a second date. Then a third date. We emailed and talked on the phone in between dates. As our relationship progressed, so did his displays of interest and affection. He didn't disappear off the planet or make me call him all the time or send me mixed signals. I knew where things were going and he didn't leave me out on a limb with all sorts of doubts.
We have two teenage daughters now and it is easy to see them falling into the same romantic relational traps I had suffered from as a singleton. If I could write a teen version of "He's Just Not That Into You", here are the chapter titles I would pick:
He's Just Not That Into You If You Have to Initiate Texting. Every. Single. Time.
He's Just Not That Into You if He Answers Your Texts in Monosyllabic, Poorly Spelled Messages Like "Ya".
He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Text You Back For Periods That Involve Full Rotations of the Planet.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Flirts With Other Girls. All Other Girls. All the Time.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Had Some Free Time, But Decided to Play xBox/PlayStation Instead.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Breaks Up With You.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Tells You He Likes Someone Else.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Asks You to Send Nudes.
But, looking back on my single self, I did make some of the excuses targeted in the book. For example, how often had I made excuses for that guy I pined after who was romantic and wonderful at times, but then periodically fell out off the map for long periods of time. Or the guy who didn't ever call me and I was always calling him? I wasted a lot of emotional energy wondering about a couple of guys in my life who seemed to be sending signals that they were interested, but the signals weren't super clear-cut. If it had been a romantic comedy, the guy would have just been afraid of getting hurt or was just waiting for the right moment. But, my life wasn't a romantic comedy and those guys just weren't that into me.
Now that I'm married, I can look back at those "relationships" with total clarity and realize easily what was going on. My husband didn't waffle or waver in how he felt about me. He liked me on our first date, so he asked me out for a second date. Then a third date. We emailed and talked on the phone in between dates. As our relationship progressed, so did his displays of interest and affection. He didn't disappear off the planet or make me call him all the time or send me mixed signals. I knew where things were going and he didn't leave me out on a limb with all sorts of doubts.
We have two teenage daughters now and it is easy to see them falling into the same romantic relational traps I had suffered from as a singleton. If I could write a teen version of "He's Just Not That Into You", here are the chapter titles I would pick:
He's Just Not That Into You If You Have to Initiate Texting. Every. Single. Time.
He's Just Not That Into You if He Answers Your Texts in Monosyllabic, Poorly Spelled Messages Like "Ya".
He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Text You Back For Periods That Involve Full Rotations of the Planet.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Flirts With Other Girls. All Other Girls. All the Time.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Had Some Free Time, But Decided to Play xBox/PlayStation Instead.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Breaks Up With You.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Tells You He Likes Someone Else.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Asks You to Send Nudes.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants You to be Friends With Benefits.
He's Just Not That Into You If He Bullies or Abuses You.
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