Pleasant behavior leads to pleasant results

I was reminiscing this morning about something from year one of foster-adopt life. That year we had a lot of tantrums, whining, lying to get out of trouble, arguing, and crying. Our quote during that year was "Pleasant behavior leads to pleasant results; unpleasant behavior leads to unpleasant results". We talked to the girls about how that statement is true in our home and everywhere else. Unpleasant behavior hurts our friendships, causes people not to trust us, and it can cause us to get kicked off of teams or fired from a job. There are all kinds of unpleasant outcomes that the world will offer us when we make the wrong choices in life.

To help our girls have a visual of this concept, we posted a list of unpleasant and pleasant behaviors on our fridge where they could see it. When behaviors came up, we could refer to the list on the fridge as we quoted "Pleasant behavior leads to pleasant results; unpleasant behavior leads to unpleasant results". It became a mantra in our home that first year the girls lived with us.

Here's the list we used based on what was happening in our home:

Unpleasant Behaviors
Whining
Tantrums
Crying when not hurt
Lying
Crying to get out of trouble
Fighting
Arguing
Disrespectful tone of voice
Disobedience
Demanding
Selfishness
Getting angry when losing a game
Yelling
Slamming the door

Pleasant Behaviors
Asking nicely for what we want or need
Using "please" and "thank you"
Saying "I'm sorry"
Obeying right away, all the way
Telling the truth
Crying only when hurt or sad
Solving conflict peacefully
Putting others first
Cooling off when angry
Taking "no" as an answer
Staying calm when losing a game
Respectful tone of voice

When unpleasant behaviors happened, we could remind the girls of the list on the fridge. We reminded them an unpleasant result was coming if they continued in that behavior. Then we could direct them to choose one of the pleasant behaviors if they wanted a pleasant result.

It really did take about a year of often using our quote "Pleasant behavior leads to pleasant results; unpleasant behavior leads to unpleasant results", but we saw fewer and fewer unpleasant behaviors and more of the pleasant alternatives. They definitely aren't perfect, but this list allowed us to make incredible progress toward being respectful and kind. Tantrums are a distant memory in our home. Gone are the days when our children tried to get their needs met by demanding, whining and tantrums.

Say it with me: "Pleasant behavior leads to pleasant results; unpleasant behavior leads to unpleasant results".