Lessons for my daughters

As I read the news (and my News Feed), I have compiled a list of lessons I plan to teach my daughters. This is in addition to a whole host of other topics I plan to teach them about faith, friendship, cooking, marriage, and character. Here's the list that's on my mind this week:

  • You most likely will not meet your husband in middle school, junior high or even high school. I personally know zero couples who met and started dating in middle school. Of the hundreds of people I know, only two of those married couples met and started dating in junior high. The percentage is also pretty low for people I know who started dating in high school and ended up happily married. Basically, the person you are in middle school, junior high and high school is changing and probably won't be the same person you will be when you are ready to get married. Don't waste your time chasing after boys when you are young. The effort and heartache probably aren't going to pay off in your long-term marital bliss. Focus on having fun, getting to know different kinds of guys as friends, and figuring out who you are growing into as a woman.
  • Don't date losers. How do you know if a guy is a loser? A loser plays with girls' emotions, flirts with lots of girls all the time and switches from one "girlfriend" to another all the time. Losers treat girls like sex toys, doing whatever it takes to get what he can from a girl -- and then he dumps her so he can chase someone else's tail.
  • On a related note: If a guy asks you to send naked (or nearly naked) pictures of yourself to him through technology, then he is probably a loser. There are so many chances of something going wrong with that -- he may brag about it by sharing the pictures with his buddies, he may create "revenge porn" using your pictures after you break up, or he may publicize them so that you become an object of ridicule around your school. Plus, taking naked pictures of yourself prior to age 18 and sending them to anyone is legally the same as creating child pornography. You could be opening yourself up to major legal consequences. Any guy who respects women would never ask you to do that. A high quality boyfriend would never put you in that position. If a guy asks you to sext him, then you know he's probably a loser -- no matter how sweetly he treats you or how many promises he makes to you.
  • On another related note: A guy who pushes your sexual boundaries is probably also a loser. Most teenagers have hormones pushing them in the direction of sex, but a loser will make that his priority, even if it hurts you. But, the guy who respects women will also respect your sexual boundaries and protect you from the consequences of sex outside of a marriage relationship. He won't want you to worry about pregnancy, STD's, guilt, shame, or heartbreak.
  • Don't put anything on the internet that could haunt you later in life. That means no pictures of your body, no mean comments -- nothing that could be used to get you into trouble now or keep you from opportunities later.
  • Never never NEVER share personal details with someone online who you don't personally know. People on the internet can be ANYONE. That girl you've been chatting with you in your online game could be a 40-year old sex offender living in his mother's basement. There are so many scary stories of creepy pedophiles or human traffickers who use the internet to troll for victims. They seek out lonely or foolish girls and make themselves seem loving, fun, exciting and safe -- to lure children into a trap they can't get out of. Don't agree to meet anyone you met online and don't tell them any details that would lead them to find you. It isn't about being scared, it's about being smart and safe.
  • You may think we are trying to keep you from fun, but we are really trying to keep you from harm. There are plenty of bad things out there we can't protect you from, but at least trust us to stay away from the bad things we can do something about.

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