Technology….a parent's friend or foe?

My background is in school social work. I have worked for about 15 years in different school settings. I read a lot about cyberbullying, sexting, child pornography, sexual predators, and human trafficking.

My children would probably like it if I would stop reading. In their minds, ignorance is bliss -- my ignorance.

The more I know, the less I am willing to give my children access to technology. My 13 year old has an iPod with which she can play games (we approve the games before she can download them), text (we regularly read her text history), and listen to music (we approve the music first). We have also said "no" to social media, like Instagram. We have had many, MANY conversations in the past year about getting a cell phone. Most of her friends have a cell phone already and the vast majority of these phone-friends have smartphones. It seems (from her perspective) that we are the lone "mean" parents.

This year, my children's school has given all 5th through 12th grade students their own laptop to be used at home and school. There is a program installed that "guards" the computer from being used inappropriately. Many websites are blocked and the school monitors the history of each laptop very closely to make sure nothing explicit is searched.

But, even with all those protections, the laptops still provide much more freedom than I am comfortable with my children having. They can search YouTube for videos, listen to music on Pandora, take pictures and videos, and much more. And they can send and receive messages from any other student in the district. The potential for cyberbullying seems very high.

Recently I have heard about several incidents of local girls being sucked into sexting. The boys in their schools show interest but then ask the girl to send naked pictures. Not wanting to be the one girl at school without a boyfriend, these girls give in. It seems harmless enough in the moment and they know it will increase their chances that the boy will date them.

Without realizing it, however, these girls are creating child pornography. That's not just my opinion -- it falls within the legal definition under the law. And when these boys receive these naked photos or videos, they become complicit in the crime, especially if they forward it to their friends.

I wonder, when these parents give in to their children's pleas for a smartphone, how many of these parents know what they are opening the door to. Do they realize that their sons and daughters are using Google to get their sex education? That pornography is extremely easy to access? Do these parents, who bow to peer pressure (that's what it is, because who wants to be known as the mean parent for saying "no"), have any idea what pressure their children are under to do whatever it takes to fit in? That their children are using technology to create their own pornography by taking sexually explicit pictures of themselves and sending them to others? That their children could have legal repercussions, all because their parents gave them freedom that was too much, too soon?

At this rate, my children may never get a smartphone. And I'm okay being the mean parent if that means my child's body isn't being seen all over the internet.

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