Our Adoption Process -- Part 2
Once we went through the foster parent and adoption licensing process, we were available to be matched with children who were available for adoption. My husband and I were considered "adopt only" foster parents. What that means is that our home was considered closed to foster children except for those children we were matched with for adoption. We didn't receive calls in the middle of the night to accept foster placements, although we did accept a few short-term respite placements while we waited for our adoption caseworker to match us with a child. All the placements we took were 100% on our terms and within our comfort level.
The goal of foster care is to reunite children with their biological parents whenever possible. While children stay with a foster parent, case workers and others work with the biological parents to change problem behaviors. For example, if a child was removed from the home due to drug use by the parents, then the child will not be returned home until the parent has met certain goals to be drug free. This process can take months or even years. While President, Bill Clinton passed legislation that limited the amount of time children could remain in foster care. If parents aren't successful at meeting goals (or at least making reasonable progress toward their goals) within a 15 month time period, the goal can be changed to find a permanent home for the child. To say that a child is "available" for adoption means that their case goal has been changed from reunification to adoption. Eventually, if biological parents do not make necessary changes, then the parental rights can be legally terminated by a judge.
In Missouri, children whose case goal has been changed to adoption are generally considered "legal risk" adoptive placements. A judge will generally not terminate the parental rights until an appropriate adoptive placement has been chosen. Until the point that parents' rights have been terminated, they still have some legal rights to their children. They can hire a lawyer and fight the adoption process. For this reason, the process moves very slowly and is very drawn out.
The process of matching parents to available children was an interesting one. While going through the adoption licensing process, our case worker suggested we make an adoption life book. This book would be used to "sell" ourselves to case workers for available children. In our case I created a book using the website shutterfly.com and I got several copies printed with soft covers (like a paperback book). Case workers from across the state communicate with each other when children become available for adoption (when their case goal has been changed from reunification to adoption). Our case worker knew what kind of children we were looking for. My husband and I were interested in adopting a sibling group of up to four children who were age 5 - 14. Because she had gotten to know us personally throughout the adoption licensing process, she had a good idea of our personality and interests. As she received adoption profiles for available children she kept in mind which might be a good fit for our home. For those we were matched with, she would send the child's case worker a copy of our adoption profile along with our adoption life book.
After we were matched with a sibling group, we were invited to interview with the case team. The first match we were offered was with a set of siblings from Greene County, Missouri. We received a brief profile on each child in the sibling group. This profile gave their age, gender, and a brief summary of their personality. The profile also listed known health, mental health and educational issues. The meeting with the case team included our adoption case worker, and the case worker for the children along with the guardian ad litem (the children's lawyer) and a couple of other professionals who had been working with the children's case. It felt a little like a job interview. After interviewing with the case team in Greene County, they chose someone else. We found out later that the situation surrounding this sibling was highly dramatic and would involve ongoing legal contact with the biological parents' criminal case.
We were matched with a second set of siblings in Henry County. The interview was much different for this set of siblings. Things started to disintegrate almost immediately after we entered the room. Unfortunately, things weren't done correctly by the case worker and a biological relative began to fight for one of the siblings. Other things fell apart and the case worker suggested during our adoption interview that we might become foster parents only to the siblings while details were worked out. Other issues quickly surfaced during the meeting. It was like pulling a lose thread and unraveling the whole sweater in the process. We left the interview with a mixture of relief and exhaustion as we told our case worker that we were not interested in having our name in the mix to accept this particular sibling group for fostering or adoption.
The day before Halloween of 2012 we received our third adoption profile. It was for two sweet-sounding sisters from Franklin county. After several emails back and forth between our case worker, the girls' case worker and eventually the girls' foster parent, we were set to attend our third adoption interview several weeks later. We interviewed on December 17 and everyone in the room seemed to have the same sense that this was the right choice. The next day we received the good news that we were selected as the adoptive parents. Two days after that we drove back to Franklin county to meet the girls. Nine days after that we brought them home for good.
In Missouri, you must be a legal guardian to a child for six months before you can adopt. In our case it took longer than six months because there were some issues in the process to legally terminate the parental rights. Eventually, both biological parents willingly signed the termination paperwork and we were given an adoption date in November of 2013.
Nothing was a smooth as we hoped in our adoption process. There was a lot of waiting, wondering and praying. We began the adoption classes in January 2012, met our children almost a full calendar-year later, and didn't become legal parents until November of 2013. This process isn't for everyone, but it worked out great for us. We have two sweet daughters who have turned our lives upside-down, in a great way.
The goal of foster care is to reunite children with their biological parents whenever possible. While children stay with a foster parent, case workers and others work with the biological parents to change problem behaviors. For example, if a child was removed from the home due to drug use by the parents, then the child will not be returned home until the parent has met certain goals to be drug free. This process can take months or even years. While President, Bill Clinton passed legislation that limited the amount of time children could remain in foster care. If parents aren't successful at meeting goals (or at least making reasonable progress toward their goals) within a 15 month time period, the goal can be changed to find a permanent home for the child. To say that a child is "available" for adoption means that their case goal has been changed from reunification to adoption. Eventually, if biological parents do not make necessary changes, then the parental rights can be legally terminated by a judge.
In Missouri, children whose case goal has been changed to adoption are generally considered "legal risk" adoptive placements. A judge will generally not terminate the parental rights until an appropriate adoptive placement has been chosen. Until the point that parents' rights have been terminated, they still have some legal rights to their children. They can hire a lawyer and fight the adoption process. For this reason, the process moves very slowly and is very drawn out.
The process of matching parents to available children was an interesting one. While going through the adoption licensing process, our case worker suggested we make an adoption life book. This book would be used to "sell" ourselves to case workers for available children. In our case I created a book using the website shutterfly.com and I got several copies printed with soft covers (like a paperback book). Case workers from across the state communicate with each other when children become available for adoption (when their case goal has been changed from reunification to adoption). Our case worker knew what kind of children we were looking for. My husband and I were interested in adopting a sibling group of up to four children who were age 5 - 14. Because she had gotten to know us personally throughout the adoption licensing process, she had a good idea of our personality and interests. As she received adoption profiles for available children she kept in mind which might be a good fit for our home. For those we were matched with, she would send the child's case worker a copy of our adoption profile along with our adoption life book.
After we were matched with a sibling group, we were invited to interview with the case team. The first match we were offered was with a set of siblings from Greene County, Missouri. We received a brief profile on each child in the sibling group. This profile gave their age, gender, and a brief summary of their personality. The profile also listed known health, mental health and educational issues. The meeting with the case team included our adoption case worker, and the case worker for the children along with the guardian ad litem (the children's lawyer) and a couple of other professionals who had been working with the children's case. It felt a little like a job interview. After interviewing with the case team in Greene County, they chose someone else. We found out later that the situation surrounding this sibling was highly dramatic and would involve ongoing legal contact with the biological parents' criminal case.
We were matched with a second set of siblings in Henry County. The interview was much different for this set of siblings. Things started to disintegrate almost immediately after we entered the room. Unfortunately, things weren't done correctly by the case worker and a biological relative began to fight for one of the siblings. Other things fell apart and the case worker suggested during our adoption interview that we might become foster parents only to the siblings while details were worked out. Other issues quickly surfaced during the meeting. It was like pulling a lose thread and unraveling the whole sweater in the process. We left the interview with a mixture of relief and exhaustion as we told our case worker that we were not interested in having our name in the mix to accept this particular sibling group for fostering or adoption.
The day before Halloween of 2012 we received our third adoption profile. It was for two sweet-sounding sisters from Franklin county. After several emails back and forth between our case worker, the girls' case worker and eventually the girls' foster parent, we were set to attend our third adoption interview several weeks later. We interviewed on December 17 and everyone in the room seemed to have the same sense that this was the right choice. The next day we received the good news that we were selected as the adoptive parents. Two days after that we drove back to Franklin county to meet the girls. Nine days after that we brought them home for good.
In Missouri, you must be a legal guardian to a child for six months before you can adopt. In our case it took longer than six months because there were some issues in the process to legally terminate the parental rights. Eventually, both biological parents willingly signed the termination paperwork and we were given an adoption date in November of 2013.
Nothing was a smooth as we hoped in our adoption process. There was a lot of waiting, wondering and praying. We began the adoption classes in January 2012, met our children almost a full calendar-year later, and didn't become legal parents until November of 2013. This process isn't for everyone, but it worked out great for us. We have two sweet daughters who have turned our lives upside-down, in a great way.
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